Wierd... BRAD PITT Basketball

Generic Drugs

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and a generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of acetaminophen. Aleve is naproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillin, and Advil is ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadud, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, dixafix, and ibepokin.

Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously, we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails," "highballs," and just good old-fashioned "stiff drinks." Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of "MOUNT &DO."

Thinking of Buying a Car?

Hmmm... Think again... what will it be?

ACURA
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America

AUDI
Another Ugly Deutsche Invention

BMW
Bought My Wife
Brings Me Women
Brings More Women but
Broke My Wallet

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips

DODGE
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Dead On Day Guarantee Expires

FIAT
Failed Italian Automotive Technology

FORD
Fast Only Rolling Down Hill

GM
Garbage Motors
Gluteus Maximus

HONDA
Hallmark Of Non-Destructable Automobiles

HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive

KIA
Keep Insurance Around

SAAB
Shape Appears Ass-Backwards

SUBARU
Screwed Up Beyond All Repair, Usually

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

PORSCHE
Proof of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

"Stress"

"Stress" That confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole who desperately needs it.

God, I Love This Place

Please be patient. I only work here because I am too old for a paper route, too young for social security, and too tired to have an affair.

Diatribe to Children

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ...uphill BOTH ways.. yadda, yadda, yadda. And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But.

Now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! ... Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed! Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire...imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that Stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Source Unknown